girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
