i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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