On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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