So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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