The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
