He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
