I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
