I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
