I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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