I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
