I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
