you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
