I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
