we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
