I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
