so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
