She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
