Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
