I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
