Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
