So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
