i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
