cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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