Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
