I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
