youre lurking in front of me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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