I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
