I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
