Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
