every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
