There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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