I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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