I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's intense
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
