She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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