Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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