Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
