Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
