Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
