I heard we made out
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I believe in your delicious
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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