Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
