gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize