when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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