Kiss
Puke
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
