fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just puked most of my soul out..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
