i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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