How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
