there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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