No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
