I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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