Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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