That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
