we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
