At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
