How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
