i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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