There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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