The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
