I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
