I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
