First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
