I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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