i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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